lately. 

by chelseakyaw


weeelllllllp. we are back in Iowa. me anyway. Arnold won't be back until TOMORROW. seriously it's been the longest week ever. Can i brag about how absolutely lucky we are to have a husband/daddy who will be in a home alone just so he can finish off his job professionally and also finish packing and cleaning our apartment so we don't have to? I just imagine that would be so hard. He's 10 hours from his family and we miss him so much. 

Last Thursday night at 9pm, Arnold & Forest & cats & I packed up as much as we could fit in the car and hauled butt back to Iowa. Arnold had just finished a long work shift and i had been tending to Forest all day so we were tired. We decided to leave at night because normally, Forest sleeps and we thought it would be worth a shot to see if it helped. OMG. Thank you to whoever sent us good vibes because IT DID. He fussed for about the first hour, but managed to sleep the whole time. We made two stops for feeding and gas and he passed out. Kit Kat, on the other hand – screamed and howled the whole time. We made it into Iowa at 830a and I could have died happy. 

This transition has not been easy. There are a lot of things that make relocation hard. We are staying with my parents until we get an apartment locked down – I don't anticipate that taking more than a few weeks, but i'm thankful that they're letting us crash during this time. The cats and baby and us are adapting and working very hard to go back to as much of a "normal" routine as possible. 

A lot of people have wondered why we moved to Des Moines and not the Quad Cities. We have friends and family in both towns and it's just not fair to say we made that decision for the people and to be upset about our decision isn't right. Yes I'm from here, but that doesn't mean I own Arnold and we are here because of that. Des Moines, first of all, has Microsoft. Arnold works at microsoft and got a transfer. Arnolds career is important to Arnold and to me as I fully support him in chasing his goals to grow and move up. Des Moines has more opportunities. He's actually interviewing with a few other places and willing to work his ass off so Forest can have us around and not have to go to daycare or be in anyone else's care.  I got a part time job at a vet clinic because of a friend (Yes, i was going to be a full time SAHM but I just can't NOT do something and the vet clinic is super flexible and lets me work a few night shifts). We happen to like Des Moines a lot better because THERE ARE MORE THINGS TO DO HERE. Like I said before, we follow opportunities. If Portland calls or new york calls – we follow. 

I'm so nervous and I'm stressed out wondering how things will be during this time. Once we get moved into our place and get into a routine, I think things will be better. It's hard not to worry about little things, especially your home and bills (okay i guess those are big things) when you have a baby. Part of me feels guilty because we don't have a house – Arnold and I haven't changed our names legally to "match" – and that we aren't following the "American dream." Like… it's embarrassing to stay with my parents. I feel guilty and like I did something wrong. But it's okay. We could have been doing this same thing even if we were waiting on our house. There's just a lot of silent pressure that makes you feel bad because if you're not established in your careers and life. I hope Forest knows how much we love him and how hard we are willing to work (and how we sacrifice so much time with each other) so he can be safe and with us. 

I also stupidly find me comparing myself to other moms. a lot. and of course i feel inadequate. I don't have a house, we don't have a lot of money, I don't have a career or own a business, haven't made much of a difference in the world – i'm just a simple wife and a mom who lives each day enough to be good and do good and provide happiness to my husband and baby. I don't even have adventures in colorado anymore but it really doesn't matter. i spent a lot of energy living my life for other people and giving a lot of my time to them, but i feel the best i can do is devote my time to my little family. they deserve it. I love when Arnold can come home to a clean house and food and a happy baby. I never thought that this would be me – I always imagined myself in a big city, maybe alone, focused on my job and career. I realize you can have both, but whatever. Here we are – in Iowa. Focusing on US – I'm not sorry if anyone thinks that's selfish. Everyone should definitely spend a little bit more time worrying about themselves. 

Now for the food… I mean good about Iowa. We can't wait to eat all the yummy food we missed. Colorado doesn't have Pancheros or Casey's pizza or zombie burger or amazing BBQ – that's what we missed about it here. LaMie baked goods, the cheese shop.. HyVee cheese and wine selection. Y U M M M Y. scratch cupcakes. THE MEXICAN AND INDIAN RESTAURANTS- you can't beat those. Errrrmmmm this is why I'm still not super skinny again. The Iowa State Fair – how Iowa are we to be looking forward to that. The college campus where we fell more in love and attended together, the place where Arnold proposed to me, the simple state parks – Iowa is okay. It's home and it's special. 

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